As a young girl, I was always the tallest, biggest, strongest, girl in the classroom. I was always the #1 pick for the kick ball, basketball, and the last one standing in the tether ball game. For as long as I can remember, my peers and classmates associated me with being someone to fear, or be intimidated by. I was what they called the bully ( but by default). It wasn't my nature but because I was put into that box, I owned it. It was my stature and strength that made the boys love me, and it was also my stature and strength that kept them from wanting to date me. I never went to prom (no one ever asked me), I never went on any dates with boys (no on ever
asked me). When my girlfriends were dating, I was not (no high school sweetheart, no nothing). I was always the homie to the boys. Whenever I finally started to date, it was older men, or college age boys who preyed on me because I was vulnerable, looking for acceptance, and had a body unlike other girls my age. Not many of the females liked me either. I can also remember attending family gatherings and having my aunties whisper to my mama, "girl, you better watch what she eats because she got hips and booty", "she better slow down on eating all that", "you better make sure she's in the house, or she'll get pregnant." Today, we call it "body shaming". I was always made to feel like my physical shape was a defect, like an odd ball, or like I was promiscuous because I developed fast. I'm not telling you this to seek sympathy from you. I'm telling you this because I want you to understand that the confident woman you see here today has taken some serious work. I've either been made to feel like I was NOT ENOUGH, or too much. I've NEVER FIT IN anywhere and didn't feel worthy of much. I was being ostracized at school and at home (maybe not intentionally, but still) I couldn't find my place in the world. As a result, I began to accept (what I thought was love from anyone), which also lead me to abusive relationships. In a lot of my friendships, I discovered that I was the only one being a friend. I became exhausted with trying to fit in, seek acceptance, dumb down, and be everything to everybody except for my OWN SELF. I developed a weight problem trying to find comfort. I was so miserable with my life and all the internal, and external toxins that consumed me. My sadness became so unbearable that I isolated myself and went into somewhat of a reclusive state. I shut myself off from people I thought were my friends (and some family too). I started to work on myself & recreate myself. I built a wall around me and my heart. I changed my diet & began to read more. I began to appreciate my own company and find peace in my silence. To create comfort, I created an alter ego...she would protect me from harm because she had no fear. She not only was strong, but she was beautiful, and smart too. People looked at her in awe and sought after her for their own guidance. Anywhere she went, she commanded the room. Everyone loved her and aspired to be like her. She was EVERYTHING.
During that time, I sharpened my social skills, I developed the spirit of discernment, I nurtured and started to reward myself, I became very particular about what I allowed in, on, and around my body. Then one day, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I had changed so much. I was no longer the same person who desired the shallow and superficial things. It dawned on me... "SHE" (my alter ego) was ME. She emerged from girlhood into womanhood. She had somehow taken over my body and my mind. SHE WAS READY FOR WHATEVER THE WORLD THREW HER WAY. She had awakened. SHE WAS ME and
I AM GODDESS...